Backcountry Bidet: Yay or Nay?

Let’s talk about butts.

Author

Trail Daddy
May 30, 2025

More specifically, cleaning them. Because out in the wild, after a long day of hiking, scrambling, sweating, and squatting behind a tree... your rear deserves better than a half-ply mystery square of toilet paper.

Enter the backcountry bidet. Lightweight, eco-friendly, surprisingly refreshing—and yes, a little intimidating at first. But once you try it? You just might become the trail evangelist, converting your tentmates one clean cheek at a time.

So: backcountry bidet. Yay or Nay? Let’s break it down.

What the Hell Is a Backcountry Bidet?

At its core, a backcountry bidet is a tiny squirt-cap that turns your water bottle into a portable butt shower. It’s not a fancy gadget. It’s not a luxury item. It’s a hygiene upgrade. Usually weighing in at under an ounce, it screws onto standard water bottles (like a SmartWater or a Platypus), providing clean rinse power without the need for toilet paper, wet wipes, or the embarrassment of “I just used moss and I think it was poison oak.”

A few popular options:

  • CuloClean

  • Hibaby Bidet Cap

  • Kula Bidet (from the makers of Kula Cloth)

Why Go Bidet?

There are three main reasons: comfort, cleanliness, and conservation.

🚿 Comfort

Wiping with dry paper while your cheeks are chafed from miles of uphill trekking? Cruel and unusual. A gentle stream of clean water feels
 dare I say
 luxurious. And no, you don’t have to touch anything. The water does the work.

đŸ’© Cleanliness

Bidets reduce irritation, wipe fatigue, and lingering funk. Especially for folks with sensitive skin, hemorrhoids, or those with high cleanliness standards—it’s a game-changer. Less friction. Less mess. Less stress.

đŸŒČ Conservation

Toilet paper in the backcountry is trash. Even if you “dig a hole,” TP takes a long time to decompose. Wet wipes? Worse. A bidet eliminates paper altogether—or at least reduces how much you use. That’s better for the environment, better for your pack weight, and better for your Leave No Trace karma.

The Case Against the Bidet (Sorta)

Alright, fair’s fair. There are some reasons folks hesitate:

  • It takes practice. The first time is awkward. You’re out there, pants around your ankles, trying to aim water where the sun doesn’t shine. It gets easier.

  • Cold water. Not exactly spa-like. But hey, you’re a badass out here. Embrace the brisk.

  • Privacy. If you're hiking with friends, it helps to establish a “poop zone perimeter.” A respectful distance and a knowing nod go a long way.

Still, these are minor trade-offs for what you gain. Once you get the hang of it, it’s quicker, cleaner, and honestly... kinda satisfying.

How to Use a Backcountry Bidet (Without Soaking Your Pants)

Alright, Daddy’s gonna walk you through it. Here’s how to get squeaky clean without turning your campsite into a splash zone.

đŸ§» Step 1: Do Your Business

  • Select a location at least 200 feet away from water sources, trails, and campsites.

  • Dig a 6-8 inch hole if you’re burying waste (unless local rules say pack it out—do that instead).

  • Do what you came to do.

💩 Step 2: Bidet Time

  • Fill your bottle with clean water.

  • Screw on your bidet cap.

  • With your free hand (non-dominant works best), spread cheeks and aim the nozzle.

  • Gently squeeze the bottle to send a controlled stream of water where it’s needed.

  • Adjust the angle if you need a better hit zone. You’ll find your sweet spot.

đŸ–ïž Step 3: Optional "Final Pass"

  • Some folks use a small reusable cloth (like a Kula Cloth or bandana) to pat dry.

  • If you use TP, use only a square or two at a time. Pack out the TP in a wag bag (again, be aware of the local rules).

đŸ§Œ Step 4: Sanitize

  • Clean the bidet nozzle with clean water or alcohol wipes.

  • Sanitize your hands. Always.

  • Done. You’re fresher than half the people back in town.

Final Verdict: YAY

Look, if you’re out for a day hike with access to a vault toilet, you can get by without one. But if you’re backpacking, thru-hiking, or spending any real time in the woods, a backcountry bidet is 100% worth tossing in your kit.

You’ll use less toilet paper. You’ll stay cleaner. And your booty will thank you.

This isn’t some bougie trend. It’s a trail-tested hygiene hack that makes your time outside better.

Cleaner, fresher, lighter, greener.
And once you go bidet, you don’t go back.

When someone flexes over their fancy trowel, hit ’em with a squirt and sashay away like the backcountry bidet baddie you are.

Yay to the bidet. Every damn day.

Want a demo? Come to the next Trail Daddy Skills Clinic and we’ll get cheeky in the woods—figuratively, of course.